Character: Captain James Tiberius Kirk
Series: Star Trek [2009]Character Age: 25
Counselor Job: Camp Pimpstructor
Canon: Space: the final frontier. Time: which moves in mysterious ways. Add in a crazed alien Romulan miner who wants nothing more than his complete and utter revenge on the peace-keeping force known as the Federation, and we have an all new starship Enterprise on our hands, complete with a crew that's not totally sure of what they're doing. Yet, despite their differences, they managed to triumph against adversity and overwhelming odds. And they didn't need William Shatner to do it too.
Enter James Tiberius Kirk, the fresh captain of the Enterprise and ladies man extraordinaire. He's head-strong and determined; more likely to bulldoze his own path through a forest rather than take the easy road out. Often prone to overreacting, especially with anger or a quick sarcastic jab, Kirk tends to fight first rather than think peacefully. Yet, despite that tendency, peace is always an option with him and he's not adverse to learning. With enough smooth charisma to infatuate many a woman and sufficient intelligence and skills to get away with cheating on "impossible to beat" tests, James T. Kirk is willing to take on all kind of scenarios. Just as long as he wins. Sample Post:Captain's Log. Stardate unknown for now, until I can figure out this place's crazy calendar system. Trust me though, it won't take me
that long to have things figured out. Anyway, that can wait; I have a job to do first and that
can't wait. Okay, men, I'm Captain James Kirk -- yes "the" James T. Kirk of the Enterprise, I'll do autographs later -- here to help you get the girl. Though I can't figure out this huge deal over one chick. This Marcy person must be something fantastic. She sure sounds like a legend. Oh, she's good with her hands? Maybe
I should get to know her first -- okay fine, I admit it, you're right. That's not very professional of me. Hey, I said I would still help right? Lie back and let me work my magic. You won't regret this one bit... unless she falls for me instead. Then, we might have a problem. Relaaaax cupcake, I won't do anything to jeopardize your ideal romance. I've got some class after all.
Okay, first things first, what can you tell me about her? Her hobbies, what kind of food she likes... you know, something to get you guys started. You have to know all this stuff right? I mean, all you seem to be able to say is "Marcyyyyyyyy, Marcyyyyyyy". If I didn't know better, I'd call you all a bunch of zombies. But you're clearly not, because you're really keeping it together. Even if you seem to be shambling a bit on the side there. Still, you should get someone to check that for you. Now where were we? Right, hobbies! There's got to be something that this Marcy-lady can't resist the sight of. All women are like that, trust me. They all go a little weak in the knees for a man who knows what women want. Or that could just be my charm, but it's a good idea in the works! And you guys really need
good ideas to get your asses laid. Get Marcy what she really wants and you'll have her in the palm of your crumbling hand. Seriously, get that checked will you? It's starting to make me nervous.
Where was I again? Oh right, what a girl wants. Have you guys figured out what Marcy wants out of a man? Chocolates? Romantic walks on a beach during sunset? Guitar serenades? ... The answer I was not expecting was "1001 Arabian Sex Dreams of the Tentacle Mind", but I like it. So she's into the exotic, huh? We can work with that, we simply need to get her the fancy hi-grade stuff like oils and perfumes with juuust a hint of calamari. That should make you irresistible to her. Top it off with a long hot bath with sandalwood and she'll be putty in your hands. Remember, it's all about what she wants. Then you can worry about all the things
you want to do. After all, this is all about the great after-date sex isn't it?
--sex isn't allowed here?
Bullshit.App post is
here. 53 in, 6 out.
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