[IC] Mistletoe continuations/new threads

[captainkink]

[ for Oz | Dean | Leto | Kirk | Yuri | Stefan | Sherlock | Lance | Albert | Kell-El | Rex | Optimus... Prime ]

Comments

[mind_over_metal]

Then allow me to say it for myself.

[goddamnemperor]

I'm not one of your misguided children. Why are you here? What do you hope to achieve with me? Make no mistake. I know your intentions might be pure of motive, but not always pure of pride.

[mind_over_metal]

Well, I'm in this specific location at this moment in time because I would rather not be... elsewhere.

More generally... I have no agenda with you, Leto. I want certain things, yes, because I care about what happens to you. But I have no goals to achieve, no benchmarks to reach. Sometimes I just can't leave well enough alone.

[goddamnemperor]

Ah, another fight.

Empathy. I never understood it.

[mind_over_metal]

*asking with simple curiosity*

Why not?

[goddamnemperor]

It is difficult to ... relate. I was born into full consciousness, my memories and feelings existing before understanding. And not simply that, it was the memories of billions of people who came before me.

How to separate how I am from everyone else? You had formed your own identity when you were young. But pre-born have no such chance. It's what killed my aunt, in the end.

[mind_over_metal]

And yet still with such kindness. That you're able to be as you are now is amazing.

[goddamnemperor]

I got by, barely. It helped that Ghani was kinder. She balanced me out.

[mind_over_metal]

Rare is the one who hasn't gotten help from somewhere.

[goddamnemperor]

True. But we are not as we were before. Our connection, what made us one is gone. I severed that on purpose.

[mind_over_metal]

But what have you learned from her and can take with you beyond that?

[goddamnemperor]

Learned? We were the same person. There's nothing I could have taught her or vice-versa. Every memory of mine was hers.

I cannot take her. I cannot make her eternal.

[mind_over_metal]

Then what is it that you lose by not having her by your side?

[goddamnemperor]

[quiet, looks torn]

I'll lose her.

[mind_over_metal]

*also quiet, watching him softly*

The losses that we're given can be turned to ends both wondrous and monstrous.

[goddamnemperor]

I do not see how this could be wondrous. Do you know why I stay here? Partly for hope and partly because I do not have to watch her die on me. She would curse me for such an action, but I find I do not care.

[mind_over_metal]

I'm not telling you anything that you don't know. The way that a person can continue even after we've lost them is very powerful. And how we respond in the face of that loss...



...I understand. Why it is that you stay here.

[goddamnemperor]

[laughs softly, mockingly]

I suppose if anyone understood, it would be you.

[mind_over_metal]

Yes.

*rests a hand on Leto's shoulder*

[goddamnemperor]

[lightly thumbs Charles' lips]

I don't have the desire to hurt anyone, though it lives in me, black and lonely. But sometimes I look at you and I think there's no one I would hurt more.

I won't. But it's there.

[mind_over_metal]

The fact that you won't is not something that I take for granted. So I do... appreciate it, I suppose.

[goddamnemperor]

I doubt you'll ever take anything for granted again, Charles.

[leans to kiss him]

[mind_over_metal]

*meets him as much as physicality allows, hand still resting on Leto's shoulder, his fingers touching skin and wormskin, as he kisses him with a softness that speaks of thought and restraint*

[goddamnemperor]

[tips your head slightly up, fingers in your hair]

[mind_over_metal]

*and he's always been short and he did get a little bit of experience when he arrived here in July, but still, the whole approach is different, looking up at such a dramatic angle and not having a choice in the matter. it's uncomfortable and as Charles lets himself be guided, his hands slide from above and at Leto's shoulders, down his arms, to where they hope to find a place to stay. the courteous cover is still there, but there's a glimmer of a brighter, more aggressive impulse underneath.*